Creating and Grieving

There's something I've been wanting to chat about.  See that bronze sculpture to the right of the fireplace?

Here's a better look:

It's a sculpture that my grandfather made, in his early days of making art.  He experimented and practiced and sometimes things turned out a little wonky, but eventually he honed his skills and for a time he even owned his own art gallery in Toronto.  I have three other pieces of his work: a small bird on a branch, the striking centaur, and a tumbling gymnast (plus the headboard he made us).

I've been looking at this sculpture a lot, thinking about how much my grandfather practiced his craft.

As a kid, I was so prolific - much to my Mom's chagrin.  I churned out drawing after drawing, doodling on anything and everything, including important paperwork.  She had to deal with stacks and stacks of messy drawings and wibbly wobbly clay pots.  I just loved art and was convinced I'd be a photographer, painter, or interior designer (much to my Dad's chagrin), but somehow I've lost some of that joy.  I sometimes find myself overwhelmed - instead of inspired - by the sheer volume of (sometimes kind of disposable) crafts and DIYs that are shared online.  Lately I've channeled much of my creativity into "practical" projects, like a pot holder, catnip toy, painted planters and home renovations - money saving projects I can use and feel good about.  For some reason, I've felt the need to justify the time and expense of making things but this preoccupation has really done me a disservice.   

I could really benefit from some time spent making things just for the sake of making things.  I have to admit that the traumatic passing of a relative this spring has been difficult to process and my family is still reeling from the shock.  I, myself, have good days and bad days, but I've tried my best power through the bad days and downplay the stress, anxiety, and grief I'm feeling.  I spent the first half of September in Toronto, helping to tie up some lose ends, and that re-awakened all kinds of feelings.  I left feeling immensely guilty and sad and agitated.  Creating things is said to help alleviate stress and anxiety, and is especially recommended to help with the grieving process.  So why has a craft and DIY enthusiast like me not jumped at the chance to create things as part of the healing process?

Hopefully this gal will encourage me to recapture some of my childhood zeal for arts and crafts!  To make stuff, just because; to try some of the 1000+ projects I've pinned...  I'm thinking that a pottery class might be just what the Dr. (that would be me) ordered...

Long Time No See

Hello again!

I can't believe I've been gone for so long...

At the end of May we received some upsetting and shocking news.  We dropped everything, stuffed too few clothes in a duffel bag, ushered a surprised Szuka into the truck, and made our way to Southern Ontario, while my parents hopped on the next available flight.  My family is working hard to maintain some semblance of privacy, so I can't go into detail about the unthinkable series of events that transpired, but I will say that a close family member passed away suddenly.

I only reluctantly returned home at the beginning of July.  We had a rough June.  My family had an overwhelming number of things to get settled and, of course, a lot of grief to work through.  Things are not entirely resolved, so I may disappear again, but for now I'm home.  Even though I'm physically here, it's going to take some time to find my way back to normal.  I'm working on it, taking one day at a time.  The calming effect of the lake is certainly helping.  But I worry about some of my family members and hope that they too can find some refuge.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words here, on Instagram, and via email.  I'm really touched that so many of you reached out to me.  Your kindness has done wonders to lift my spirits.

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