Stress Cleaning

I might be alone on this, but sometimes I like to clean or de-clutter so I can relax.  I don't particularly enjoy cleaning (although organizing can be fun), it's just always been something that has felt good to do.  In high school, after my exams were over, everyone knew to leave me alone for a few days while I cleaned my room top to bottom.  If I was pestered, I got a little bite-y.  I needed that time to clean and unwind.  I'm sometimes compulsive about cleaning because I like to live in a clean home (the air feels fresher, like I'm here!), but also because it's something I can check off my to-do list.  Having something "done" feels good right now (as I'm sure it did in high school), because my own research and my work as a research assistant are on-going, which can make me twitch a little (must. cross. off. list).  While I don't enjoy scrubbing the kitchen floor, afterwards I have this ahhhhhh feeling.  I'm so hooked on that feeling, sometimes I forget which things are the priorities (reading) and which are not (precision cleaning the base of the toilet with Q-tips).

I am behind in my magazine reading, as months of subscriptions piled up while I was away, so the other night I was reading my November 2012 Chatelaine.  Canadian choreographer Kelly Konno, who danced for Janet Jackson, said her Dad left her an inspiring note for her one day and the message stuck.  I like the message:

My research is making me feel a little . . . busy . . . right now, so I've been repeating this quote again and again.  I love it!  It motivates me.  But, just to take the edge off, I cleaned and organized the front hall closet last night.  I couldn't help myself (I just crossed that off my to-do list and it felt goood), plus there was a need.  I swear.  I reorganized our coats, short to long (although I really want them colour-coded), to make room for the shoe rack we picked up at Costco the other day (in-store it was only $19.99).  We've been on the hunt for a pretty, affordable one for ages.  Another thing to cross of the to-do list (sah-weet!).  Right now it's filled with Hubby's shoes, which makes him look like such a clotheshorse.  I'm tempted to leave it like this.

Happy two days free to clean weekend!

A Bit Lost, But Thankful

I've been in Hungary for almost three months!  I've learned the lay of the land, had some fun, but have mostly been buried under my research.  It's weird, but I feel like I've been here for years.  I don't feel like "me" anymore.

Removed from my "normal" life, I'm a bit harried.  I'm always rushing, there's never enough time to do everything I want to do.  This is sometimes a problem at home, too, but it's somehow magnified here.  One thing I do seem to have lots of time for is introspection.  I'm always lost in thought as I make my way through the city to the library (on what has to be the most rickety bus).  I think it's the beautiful surroundings that make me think more.  Is it the gloomy, grey weather that is shaping my thoughts?

I'm not sure I know what I want to be when I grow up anymore.  I thought I knew where my talents lie, but recently my confidence has been shaken.  I want to do everything, but feel like I'm not really good at anything.  In any case, I'm thankful for the luxury of being able to contemplate these things.  I'm also thankful for the friends, family and Hubby who motivate me to try harder.

P.S. And of course I messed up the time when I set this post to publish, so it only went live later in the afternoon (EST).  Le sigh.  It's been one of those days.  Here's to the weekend, when I hope everything turns around and the sun shines.

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