The Dr. is in

Big news: even though I hit a few bumps along the way, I successfully defended my PhD dissertation on Friday!!!  It was a grueling, sweat-inducing afternoon of fielding question after question, with nary a snack or bathroom break.  I didn't make it through unscathed - I have major revisions to complete, and only one month to complete them - but I did it!  Soon I will no longer be able to relate to this hilarious list of "grad school problems".   

photo source

It was a difficult task to both defend my work and also recognize room for improvement.  I felt awkward challenging scholars I deeply admire and respect, but in some cases I felt justified standing my ground.  Other times, I readily admitted that my project could benefit from their suggestions.  When this experience is in my rear view mirror, I promise to share some juicier details plus a link to my finished dissertation.  For now, I have a full schedule.  On my list of things to do:

1. Eat a pan of brownies in celebration.
2. Make sure everyone I know updates my contact information (to Dr. please).
3. Get to those revisions! 
4. Eat one more brownie.

Comic Source

August is Done. I DID it!!

August was certainly stressful for me, and for some reason I decided an excellent way to "unwind" after a super stressful day of frantic writing was to start watching the Walking Dead!  Three sleepless nights later, I submitted my PhD dissertation before the deadline!!!!!  And we accepted a conditional offer on the townhouse, one day before my deadline.  The day after the deadline, we held a yard sale to de-clutter a little, then I made the 1500km journey to the lakehouse to start painting (sans Hubby, who has to work).

Here are the many copies of my dissertation that I had to photocopy, and submit in person.  Did I mention my department is on the 11th floor?  Feels crazy to see it all ready like this . . .

Because I was so focused on my research last month, this is all that happened around here:

I linked to a few fun features, including a mention in Canadian Home Trends magazine, a feature on Love on Sunday and, what I forgot to share, another feature on Apartment Therapy!

I did manage to sneak in a little DIY (we have to keep that a secret between you and me).  Hubby and I refinished the arms and legs on our vintage curbside find (which is currently at Kessels Upholstery, getting a new look).

I reviewed two Villeroy and Boch serving pieces (and shared my delicious turkey meatloaf recipe).

Eager to start work, I shared photos of the new kitchen, in addition to my plans for a quick and affordable makeover (along with photos of every turquoise kitchen out there, for a little inspiration).

I also started to figure out floor plans, so I can decide what furniture to keep and what furniture to sell from the townhouse.  I've already sold a lot, including the living room side tables, the living room orange tweed chair, the kitchen table, the dining room hutch, my swirly teak table, Hubby's desk . . . We are really starting fresh, mostly because the new space requires a new configuration.  It was sad to see so many pieces I lovingly picked out or hunted down go (some still need to be picked up by their new owners), but it was also nice to see my vintage finds find new homes! 

To make up for the lack of great "Before and Afters" around here in August, I shared some amazing makeovers from a new favorite read.

Next up for me: months of waiting to hear news about my dissertation.  My committee needs to review it and will give me a grade of 1 (some revisions), 2 (more revisions), 3 (it needs substantial work, so re-register, pay tuition and try again), 4 (GTFO).  If it's a 1 or 2, I get to defend my dissertation, where I can receive the same grade system.  I will likely defend November, December, maybe even January.  Luckily I have a house in need of updating to keep me from worrying!!  I've already primed some of the teensy oak trim and will have updates Monday.  Feels good to have tools and paintbrushes in hand again!

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Research Update: $3000+ Worth of Poor Results

A lot of folks ask about my PhD research, which I know I am oddly silent about.  It's just that this is my happy place, where I like to talk about mint green spray paint and DIY abstracts.  I once did a feminist DIY project - blurring the lines between my blog-life and real-life, but I've blogged little about my topic and research in Hungary.

I've mentioned that I have had the lovely, lovely, privilege of not acquiring student debt, because I've ridden the scholarship wave.  Currently I have funding to do my PhD, but that runs out August 30th.  This year.  Things were going swimmingly until my supervisor read my last chapters and said, "I honestly don't think you can finish for August 30th".  Some parts, apparently, are boring and just not good.  Ouch!  I told my supervisor, "I can DO this, I swear.  I'll make it much better, you'll see".  It's shaping up, but now my confidence is shaken and I overthink every sentence.  I worked really hard on what I submitted.  I still have about 15 or so pages to write, but I aim to get everything in to my supervisor this week, who will make the call whether I can officially submit or not.  I might not know until right before the deadline whether I made the cut.  If not, I'll have to pay tuition.  I'll be rooting around in the sofa, hoping there's thousands of dollars of change hiding in between the cushions because you know where there isn't?  My bank account.

Nothing I can do now, but . . .

At first, I was seriously crushed.  A bad review and I might be charged for being such a terrible academic.  Super.  But then I figured, most people pay tuition.  How freaking lucky am I that I dodged that bullet for so long?  I was even funded to go to Hungary for research and language classes.  Two different trips!  I learned to read Hungarian while doing this dissertation, so talk about personal growth!  If I have to pay a few thousand bucks because I couldn't get my ducks in a row in time, so be it.  Hubby agreed.  Further, I'm pretty sure getting a PhD is supposed to be soul-crushing.  And, at the end of the day, Hubs and I are both healthy and happy, so other stuff is just icing.

Even with all of these rational thoughts, I now have this nagging little voice that greets me each morning with, "you suck".  I'm hoping that passes :)

Inspired by this, but I used a photo from Hungary.  Seems fitting.

I'm in need of some "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE).

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Tour Guide Tanya

Today I'm playing Budapest tour guide for Hubby!  He's a little jet-lagged, so we'll be taking it easy.  First, we're off to the Christmas Market, for a shot of Palinka (it's after noon somewhere), mulled wine and yummy fair food.  Then we will head up to my stomping ground, because the view is unbelievable.  I finished collecting my research yesterday (yay!) and even though I have to now go home and read the zillion articles I photocopied and collected, it felt momentous and motivational to be done this stage.  A little R&R&R (rest, relaxation, but still more research because I don't have time to stop completely, lol) with Hubby is the best reward! 

It's so weird having Hubs here after so long.  Lovely, but weird.  I keep pointing out random things, like, "here's where I buy my internet tickets," and "look, there goes my favorite bus (the 178 - never very crowded)!"  I need to step it up in the tour guide department, I know.  But don't worry, we have a fun things planned (with some unplanned time planned too, because I'm type A like that).  And soon I'll put together a Best of Budapest guide, for anyone who ever wants to make there way here (or would like a little virtual tour).

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The Heat is On (But I've Got New Digs)

 
Technically I don't live in the library (so I can't really call it "my digs"), but moving library spaces felt as huge as moving apartments would.  Awhile ago, we left that super pretty library (remember the comfy chairs?) and moved to the Hungarian National Library (Szechenyi Library) which, although beautiful and housed in a former CASTLE, on a hill, has rock hard chairs.  My bum cares less about the history and more about not being permanently flattened.  But this library is open until 8:00pm and, with my research deadline looming, late nights have been necessary!

The whole area by the library is a major tourist attraction, with the former castle now acting as a museum as well (this part of Hungary is on my swell new day timer too).  Up here you will also find important sites like Matthias Church (that's the church with the stunning turquoise roof in this series of photos) and Fisherman's Bastion.  Plus there is an excellent view of the city, including striking views of the Parliament.

The first few nights we worked late, we stumbled out of the library dazed and alarmed that the local patisseries were closed (no cake?!?), but now we've learned to stop and marvel.  What a treat for the eyes (I'm not sure my belly needs any more treats anyway).

Really foggy nights (or is this smog?) make for an even more amazing sight, because the world looks fuzzy and glowy.

Yup, the heat is on in terms of needing to really boogie to get the rest of my research done, ideally by mid-December, but the heat is also literally on at home.  Readers had asked how our weird little heating system works and now I know!  It's called a "cserép kályha," which means tile stove (here's a bunch more), and it is heated with gas.  The pilot light was a little alarming at first, but we got used to it and really love this heating system!  It heats metal behind the stove and the tiles keep the heat, radiating it into the room.  I haven't had a gas bill yet (I'm scared!) but we rarely turn it on because it keeps the apartment toasty for long, so I'm hoping it's cheap to run.  It extends to the other side of the room, where we tuck our clothes dryer, which makes the rest of the apartment warm, plus it dries our clothes in record time!

Coming home is a treat because (being that I am so silly), I barely packed enough warm clothes.  I had to buy a hat and warmer socks!  I think I thought, "I'm a tough Canadian, we get 50 feet of snow, what's a Hungarian fall to me??"  But boy, is it damp here - that bone chilling, ear hurting cold.  Especially when one is traipsing around in a fake version of the Labyrinth of Buda Castle.

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A Bit Lost, But Thankful

I've been in Hungary for almost three months!  I've learned the lay of the land, had some fun, but have mostly been buried under my research.  It's weird, but I feel like I've been here for years.  I don't feel like "me" anymore.

Removed from my "normal" life, I'm a bit harried.  I'm always rushing, there's never enough time to do everything I want to do.  This is sometimes a problem at home, too, but it's somehow magnified here.  One thing I do seem to have lots of time for is introspection.  I'm always lost in thought as I make my way through the city to the library (on what has to be the most rickety bus).  I think it's the beautiful surroundings that make me think more.  Is it the gloomy, grey weather that is shaping my thoughts?

I'm not sure I know what I want to be when I grow up anymore.  I thought I knew where my talents lie, but recently my confidence has been shaken.  I want to do everything, but feel like I'm not really good at anything.  In any case, I'm thankful for the luxury of being able to contemplate these things.  I'm also thankful for the friends, family and Hubby who motivate me to try harder.

P.S. And of course I messed up the time when I set this post to publish, so it only went live later in the afternoon (EST).  Le sigh.  It's been one of those days.  Here's to the weekend, when I hope everything turns around and the sun shines.

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Aquincum

Some of you have asked for updates on my research.  How do I type a crying face emoticon??  Just kidding.  But an update on my research would involve too much complaining about being behind, not finding materials, getting the run around, having a seriously worrisome pain in my leg that might be a pinched nerve (are numb toes a bad sign?) and wanting to be a tourist instead of a researcher.  Right now, I'm too intrigued by the idea of flinging my research out the window and becoming a poet who lives in a Winnebago to talk about my research.

Can you tell I needed a chill out day recently?   I want to chat about that instead.

We've been trying to fit in sightseeing and shopping when we can, but I needed something more chill, so we hopped on the train and headed to Aquincum, a Roman ruin.  Because tourist season has dwindled, it was just us and the trees (I've missed trees).  Oh, and this cat.

I sat down for a moment to put my camera away and he hopped on my lap and flung himself down on my purse where he began to purr and, to my Mom's utter disgust, drool on my pants.  Is it weird this stray cat was hugely comforting??  He smelled clean enough for snuggles, and totally cracked me up!

My Mom insists the better part of the day was this:

 
Although she sure did seem to spend a lot of time trying to snap photos of me. 



In addition to a bunch o' photos of my derriere (even with a limp, I move faster), there is a whole "where's Waldo" type series of me trying to dart out of her field of vision:

Life with paparazzi must be unnerving.  No wonder celebrities go batty.  Despite the photo dodging, my Mom managed to snap a few of me and I looked happy and relaxed!  Hopefully this sunny, leafy, super chill day was enough to recharge my battery and help remind me I'm in beautiful Budapest and should enjoy more, stress less. 

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Hard at Work

Since announcing my plans for a research stay in Hungary, I've been asked by readers to talk about what exactly I'm doing here in Budapest.  I did babble on about my research in this post and I promise to share more as it develops.  But a picture is a worth a thousand words, so here's a photo of the gorgeous library I've been spending my days in.  I plan to read (well, skim) over 1,100 issues of a Hungarian women's magazine and study the representation of mothers and women without children.  A lofty ambition to be sure, but the surroundings make it much more enjoyable.  Basically, I plonk down here in the morning and read all day.

I think we need to take a closer look at that chandelier, right?

I was worried about logging so many hours in a library because I am so used to working in my home office and the luxury that entails (comfy chair, privacy, pretty things to look at when my mind wanders) but this room has it in spades.  In fact, the chairs are more glam, and just as comfy, as my cushy office chair.  The space is quiet and rarely occupied.  And there is plenty to ogle - the view out the window is of the parliament!

Sadly, this library has only half of the issues of the magazine here, so I will only be here for a few weeks before moving on to another library.  

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Reader Q: My Research

I am surprised one person has asked about my PhD research, never mind the dozens and dozens of comments and email questions I've received.  I'm pretty excited some of you are interested, but I promise to keep it brief (although I'm happy to answer questions).  Without further ado, now that you've had the full tour of my office, here's some info on the work I do in there:

As you might have guessed from my recent feminist DIY project, I'm a feminist.  So it is probably no surprise that I am doing my PhD in Women's Studies (although my department is soon to be renamed).  My HBA and MA are in philosophy (you can read my MA thesis here, but I highly discourage it - I completely ignored the intersections of racism, classism, nationalism, etc., that are so integral to my research now).  The switch was a bit of a challenge for me because I had a lot of catching up to do, and still feel behind in my new discipline.  But, apparently this feeling is common enough that there's a name for it: "imposter syndrome," the feeling many of us grad students have of feeling inferior and not smart enough.

My broad area of interest is the social construction of motherhood and non-motherhood.  Specifically, I'm interested in the way women without children are represented in media, which is really interesting work - I even wrote a paper titled Child-free Women & Chick Flicks!  Basically, I'm contesting ideas of "womanhood" necessarily hinged on motherhood, and women without children - either by choice, by chance or circumstance - labelled unfulfilled, selfish, immature, un-womanly, etc.  But I'm also interested in the social construction of motherhood: whose motherhood is encouraged and whose is not, how (certain) women are expected to desire motherhood, the unattainable mothering standards demanded of women to be "good" mothers, how parenthood is gendered, etc . . .

My dissertation research overlaps with Hungarian Studies, as I am currently studying representations of women as mothers and women without children in a popular Hungarian women's magazine, Nők Lapja (here's a link to the google-translated website).  Conducting research in my rusty second language makes things doubly hard, especially because I will have to actually go to Hungary to conduct some of my research . . . details to come.

P.S. The day I left for the conference I recently presented at (I mentioned it here - and also in the comments of that post) a few Lily of the Valley opened up.  It is my absolutely favorite flower.  Since childhood I have been obsessed with the gorgeous scent.  As I hopped in the car, I grabbed what I could and put them in a makeshift vase (an eye makeup remover bottle).  When I got to Toronto, everyone's had already flowered and by the time I got home mine had too!  Gah!  So this is all I got this season and it's making me super sad.

Is it weird to get all bent out of shape over this?

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Talented Women: A Gift + A History Lesson

Pardon my absence.  I was at a conference (presenting a paper on Pinterest!  A bit of a research detour for me) and couldn't blog.  Not blogging has been especially frustrating because my Mom - the thrifting good luck charm and sewing maven - is visiting (we actually went to the conference together, because the Hubs is out of town) so I have plenty of thrifty finds and sewing DIY's to share.

But first, I'd like to say a huge "Thank You!!" to Beatrice, from The Crafty Bee.  For January's Blog Podium, she included a gift certificate in our swag bags for a free print from her shop, Chocolat & Cherries.  I recently received the print I chose, in the mail, and I wanted to share.  Isn't it lovely to receive anything other than a bill?  Receiving art in the mail is almost too good to be true.  I think the uplifting print will find a home in the soon-to-be-fab basement, once it is complete.  But that might take forever and I want to show it off now (I picked this print).  I love crisp, black and white paired with cheery colours like turquoise:

Thanks, Beatrice!

One more thing before I dash off to do some cleaning, sewing, photographing and, of course, work.  The conference I attended was in Rochester, NY so my Mom and I toured Susan B. Anthony's home (see more on the museum here).  A famous American abolitionist, she dedicated her life to the women's right movement and suffrage.  But, as the museum docents are quick to point out, she also was an impressive cook, gracious host and a talented quilter.  Her home in Rochester is being restored and is an amazing peak into the life, and home, of this phenomenal women.   No photos are allowed, but here is a little sneak peak of an original photo:

Historic Preservation League of Oregon; The room where Susan was arrested for voting!

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